It would be easy to write a blog sticking to only the happy parts of life in Thailand-- talking about the revival in the young people, the increasing interest in the young Buddhist villagers, and the growth of friendship with the KNU soldiers-- but to be honest, alot of life really is hard, and sometimes, really sad. Today my heart is broken, and I don't want to hide that from you. Though worlds apart, you are my family, a fellow part of my Christian body, and therefore a necessary source of strength during difficult times. So I'm asking you, brothers and sisters, please help me. I am desperate for your prayers.
There is much that I had planned to tell you. So much I want to share, but today I am at a loss for words. For those who have been "missionaries" perhaps you understand what I mean.
While I am everyday reminded of the goodness of God and the glory He deserves, many days my heart is broken for these people that I have come to love in a way that I did not know my heart was capable of.
I see the disrespect they endure from other people.
I see the disrespect they have for themselves.
I see the extreme poverty they struggle to overcome.
I see tumors and sickness that I know will soon take the life of the child they cling to.
I see the people clinging to a hopeless religion of Buddhism, which has such evil associated with it, it's terrifying.
I see the fear in the eyes of the people.
I see the hopelessness.
I see the need.
They need hope. They need peace. They need love.
They need Jesus Christ.
Just last week, a man-- who had been sick for some time-- decided to end his life. He left behind a wife and three children (ages 10,9,5). I happened to be in the village the day he died and was able to go visit the wife (and the body of the man, as part of the culture they stay one night in the house) and pray with her and give her money, although she is Buddhist. It is not in Karen culture in cry in public, but as I held her hand and prayed, the tears rolled down her face.
Three of our students have an abusive father. The stress of it weighs heavily on the oldest of the three, the 11 year old girl, as she watches her mother get beat up while trying to protect her two younger siblings. She came back after a weekend at home and you could just see the shadow over her face. We pulled the three aside after church one day to tell them we know what is happening at their house and we love them and will help in anyway we can. The girl just started to cry. For an hour I just held her in my arms as she wept, brushing her tears away, giving her kisses, and telling her how much God and I love her.
We just suffered a tragedy in the camp. I am unable to go into detail, but my it literally feels like someone drop-kicked me in the heart. I know that no amount of tears can undo what's been done and that things will never be the same. It feels like a piece of me has died. Even through the pain I can see God working. I can rejoice in His Sovereignty. God knows what He is doing, even if His plans are sometimes painful.
Many of you may say how lucky the people are to have me here. Please don't. There is nothing special about me. I am just an ordinary girl who is doing what God told her to do. I am so grateful that God can work in spite of me. I am humbled that He lets me love these people with a heart that would, without question, give my life's blood for them. God gets all the glory for ANYTHING good. ONLY HE CAN SAVE THESE PEOPLE. And they need saving. They desperately, desperately, DESPERATELY need JESUS.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding..."
You're in my prayers, Kelsey. I understand you don't want praise for what you're doing, but please know that you are appreciated and admired for following His call for your life, even when it's a tough road to follow some days. If you need anything (aside from prayer), please let me know, I'll be back in Thailand in a week. Love and Prayers, Christine
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