Saturday Morning [part 1]

This week has been one of the hardest and most fulfilling weeks of my time on the Thai/Burma border. On Saturday morning,  I reached the point where I was weeping and considering leaving, where Sunday evening, I had tears streaming down my face in joy for God's faithfulness.
Let me try to explain without airing all our dirty laundry.
On Saturday morning, some of our Karen staff left our school. There's a lot that goes with that, but the only part you need to know is that alot of it was because of me. I love to joke and play and be "the fun one" most of the time, but I have a lot of pride. Sometimes, when my pride felt challenged, I would lose my temper. Because I allowed myself to be run by my emotions, I offended some of our Karen staff. Though apologies where given and pleas were made, it was too late. They were decided.
I was absolutely and totally heartbroken. My primary goal in coming was to learn the culture and become a part of it, but here I was offending the very thing I came to understand. Because of that, I hurt several people.
I cried and cried all morning. I asked God if coming was a mistake? Maybe I'm too young? Too immature? Was me returning to America and explaining my failure to all my supporters God's plan for making me humble?
While Satan whispered in my ear and reminded me how inadequate I am, God spoke up. Yes, I messed up. I messed up big time. And there are consequences for what has happened. But God did send me here. He does have a purpose in my coming. And I should not abandon ship now.
God showed me my sin and how I can work on it. How I can react to similar scenarios in the future. How to be humble. That I came here to serve and to love. The best way to do that is by learning the culture and that takes WORK. That takes a lot of work. It takes years of learning and serving and loving and failing and apologizing. I have a poor history of shying from hard work. But that ends now.
I love the Karen as though they are my own family. I would willingly and joyfully give my life for them if it would help them get a better grasp of how much I love them. They are worth the work. They are God's gift to me. So for them, for the privilege of serving my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I will give them my best and lay down my pride.
I ask that you please pray with me in this. I want to be strong and courageous and bold! But most of all, I want to be humble.

I tell you this, brothers and sisters, because I love you and I need you. Without your prayers, encouragement, and discipline, doing this would be impossible. So thank you for having faith in God's work in me and in the Karen people on the Thai/Burma border.

God bless.

Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16


Saturday evening [part 2] coming soon